Love Languages

      How does your partner feel loved? Better question, how do YOU feel loved? After a hard day, what would make you feel better? A hug from your partner? Going on a walk with them? Having them reassure you with words? Letting them do the dishes for you? Having them bring you home your favorite milkshake? Although this may seem like an insignificant question to you, I hope it's at least a thought provoking one. I hope you really are able to ponder how you and your partner both feel loved and comforted. It is one of the main keys to a successful marriage.
     For clarification and to make sure we're all on the same page right now, let me tell you what the love languages are. You have physical touch, words of affirmation, giving/receiving gifts, acts of service, and quality time. Hopefully these are pretty self explanatory but if not, there's a link to the quiz and the definitions of everything in the paragraph below :)
     I'm sure most of you have heard of this love language quiz (If not, here's the link to figure it out :) Love Language Quiz) but have you kept up with your partners love language? See, as humans, we change. As we grow older, we change. And therefore, our interests, desires, taste buds, and love languages all change as well. We need to regularly (like, every couple years) ask our partner what their love language is to make sure we can still make them happy.
     Although our partner hopefully knows that they are loved always and forever, it's important to know and understand the best way they can feel that love for you. Everyone is different and the way we feel is different. Love your partner and know how to do it.

Needs

What are your needs in marriage? What do you expect your partner to do for you? Everyone has needs in their marriage, but everybody's needs are not the same, especially between you and your husband.

General Needs for Men are:
1. Sexual Fulfillment 
2. Recreational Companionship
3. A Spouse they are Attracted to
4. Domestic Support

General Needs for Women are:
1. Affection
2. Conversation
3.Honesty & Openness
4. Financial Support
5. Family Commitment

Even though these may not be you or you spouse's needs, it is beneficial to help you think about your needs.

The first steps to meet each others needs are:
1. Talk about them openly
2. Discuss them thoroughly
3. Be clear & specific on how you will go about meeting each others needs.

When our needs are met we are happier, and if we are happier then we will have a happier marriage.

Rituals

        You love your spouse. Otherwise, you wouldn't have married them, right? So why is it that we sometimes feel like we are "falling out of love" with the one we chose to spend our forever with? A lot of the time it seems to come down to a few of the basic things we just forget to do. We forget to be excited when they come home and we forget to listen to them talk about their day and we forget to make time for just us as a couple. Instead, we focus on the constant to-do lists, the stress and strain of everyday life, the kids, or the annoyances we now see in our spouse. So what do we do?

      Well, I've got a good word for you all. Ready? Rituals. Some of you may be wondering why that's the magical word to solve all your marriage problems, let me explain. 

       A ritual as defined in the book Take Back Your Marriage by William Doherty is "repeated, coordinated, and significant". It can be any event that you and your spouse want to do whether that's setting aside time to eat ice cream and talk after the kids go to bed, going for a walk every night, or simply watching a movie together. Rituals are specifically for you and your spouse. You all know what you enjoy and what you need. So, let's take a look at the three words Doherty used to describe a ritual. What makes a ritual different from a routine? Let's take a look shall we?

Repeated

A ritual must have a set routine. You and your spouse determine the frequency of this event but you must plan it nonetheless. It could be daily or weekly but it must be repeated and you must actually do it. 

Coordinated

This one may seem kind of silly at first but trust me, just do it. You and your spouse need to plan and coordinate the specifics of your ritual. Who's going to approach who first and initiate the hug? Who is going to make the tea for your evening chat? Where will this take place? How long will you all allow yourselves to have? These might seem insignificant at first but, they make a big difference. You are both completely on the same page, you know who's doing what and where and for how long and that takes away any stress or awkwardness and makes this a real thing, not just something you all happen to do together. 

Significant

This event needs to have some meaning for you two. Maybe you watch a favorite show together every night, that's a good routine. But discussing the show after, your thoughts and feelings on it, makes it a ritual. Maybe he buys you ice cream once a week. That's good but not quite a ritual. Getting your favorite kind and then sitting and talking while you eat, is a ritual. That shows you care about the kind and you all are choosing to make that time about you and your spouse and no one else. 

     Ritual can make a big difference. It's going back to the basics of courtship and dating, you do anything you can to spend time together, you make each other happy, you express your love for one another in different ways. So why did we stop? Why are we letting temporal and worldly things get in the way of something so beautiful and strong and eternal? You are in LOVE! Show it! Make time for your spouse and your marriage! Everything will be better if you do. Now go talk to your significant other and plan a ritual for you all to start doing. It will be so worth it. 

Introduction

Hi!
         Krysta and Sam here, we are the creators of this blog. We thought we would take the time to introduce ourselves.
         My name is Sam. I am a senior in my Bachelors of Child development at Brigham Young University-Idaho. I married my high school sweetheart just a year ago. I was born and raised in Idaho.   
        I'm Krysta and I'm also a senior studying Marriage and Family up here at BYU-Idaho! I hope to become a therapist. I have moved around a few times but I definitely consider Idaho to be my home. I have a wonderful supportive family currently in Oklahoma.
        We chose this topic for our blog to help those who are married or planning to get married.
Marriage is important. We all know that. However, living with another person is really hard. You are meshing together two different backgrounds, traditions, and people. You both will have different ways of doing things and disagree on a lot of things and nowadays, that's a sign that you should just give up. That there is always someone else out there who is better and so it's fine, for your own personal happiness, to just leave and move on. We are here to help you learn and understand that any marriage can work and you can be happy. You can overcome differences because you want it to work and you love your spouse. Maintaining a happy marriage is work. It takes effort for both people. But it is so worth it. Marriage is beautiful and lasting, we are here to help you see that and maintain that.